Would you like to fly into the Wild Blue Yonder?
Joke: William Shatner suddenly gets Alzheimer’s (God forbid!) and forgets he’s just gone into space. He starts screaming about being “Captain Kirk” and that billionaires like Bezos should send him up whenever he wants to go! Big political argument ensues, and they have to put Bill away somewhere where he won’t be noticed. Kind of like the “cancel culture” gone berserk. Age discrimination and mistreatment of the mentally challenged. LOL!
Over and out. Beam me up, Scottie!
Heeeeee’s baaaaaack! I’ve had my Albert Camus Absurd Juice, so it’s time for another pastiche of a current event in the voice of the famous founder of the Absurdist Philosophy. Today’s absurd piece is the story that multi-billionaire Jeff Bezos (and world’s most available bachelor) is sending another “star” into (somewhat) outer space in his new rich tourist shuttle bus, Blue Origin.
The entire known universe is 99% nothing (no matter), so Mr. Bezos is pulling off quite a feat for the 1% affluent, as well as for the materialistic microcosm of the universe. I believe the character of Meursault in THE STRANGER should comment on this ground-shattering event in west Texas. Meursault is probably the best voice (objective, wry, witty, and absurd) to do this reportage, so we can enjoy it with some amount of elan:
“I see the wind has caused a delay in the launch of Blue Origin, with its precious cargo, Captain Kirk, who is, sadly, waiting in the wings and making jokes with the press about aliens smashing their noses (holes?) against the plexiglass to look at him inside. Is that supposed to be humorous? Of course, I did hear him say he was discomfited by looking at past launches on video (something about all that fire and explosive capacity to send him to a late — he’s 90 — grave). Ah, my brain is tortured! To me, one day in this absurd world is the same as any other. Make love with your favorite mistress. Swim in the sea. It’s all the same. However, it is interesting to reflect on the absurdity of this specific act. As you may know, mon ami, all actions, even the shooting of an Arab on a beach, can be seen from an absurd angle (the sun was too hot, and that’s why I shot him). In this case, you have one of the richest (if not the richest) men on this tiny, forlorn planet Earth, who needs to get more subscribers to his tourist jaunt to send one’s testicles into free-floating bliss for 10 minutes, at a microcosmic elevation of 106km (66 miles) up in the air above our heads. Mon Dieu! With at least two trillion galaxies in this known universe, and most of them completely blase (except for recent aliens!) about this entire “Enterprise,” one would imagine Mr. Bezos is paying about $100,000 for every toilet and beaming up joke Mr. Shatner might give, during this wind delay, to gain more media interest. I submit that he might play a game of Dungeons and Dragons on Twist (Twitch?) TV, but that would not fit with his fictional “Space Explorer Hero” credentials. Here is my perspective in my usual take on the absurdity of it all: A very wealthy man, who made his money from a false reality of digital light on a screen, is shooting another, less wealthy (but still very wealthy) man, who made his money portraying a completely fictional character who explores the far reaches of a completely fictional cosmos, into “space.” For only ten minutes, in order to gain interest from additional wealthy people who wish to enjoy their “blue origins”. Mr. Shatner can make more jokes above our heads. I know my blue origins already. I await the guillotine. To moi, of course, Blue Origin is the malaise of ennui that the wealthy must be forced to endure, while lower class citizens get shot by bullets, in the USA, in the year of 2020, at the rate of 54 humans per day, all year long. That’s a different kind of “launch into space,” but you understand. I suppose when Mr. Bezos did his math, he ventured to believe that giving wealthy humans a thrill ride, an ultra-amusement park giggle, is well worth the trouble. Well, I shall await my executioner with gusto, and Mr. Shatner and Mr. Bezos shall await the wind to die down. We all, sadly, await to simply die.”